Brief Summary
In this episode of the 2 Be Better podcast, the hosts, Chris and Chris, discuss relationship advice, communication, and personal growth. They introduce new questions to their marriage check-ins, emphasizing the importance of ending discussions on a positive note. The episode addresses contracts in relationships, communication versus comprehension, healing from past traumas, and the complexities of Dom/sub relationships. They also tackle questions about partners going out frequently and the role of emotional vulnerability in men. The hosts analyze listener emails, offering insights on traditional marriage expectations, dealing with emotionally unavailable partners, and the impact of porn on relationships.
- Introduction of new questions to marriage check-ins for positive closure.
- Discussion on contracts in relationships and exit strategies.
- Emphasis on communication, comprehension, and healing from past traumas.
- Analysis of listener emails and providing relationship advice.
Intro
The hosts, Chris and Chris, introduce themselves as Tik Tok creators focused on improving communication and relationships. They mention new snippet videos on their YouTube channel and announce the episode's topics, including questions from viewers and discussions on relationship dynamics. They plan to add two new questions to their weekly marriage check-ins, also known as "report cards," to ensure discussions end positively. These questions aim to identify something the partner didn't do well and something they excelled at during the week. They encourage new listeners to try the check-in process, emphasizing politeness and constructive criticism.
Marriage Check-ins: Evolution
The hosts elaborate on their "report cards" or marriage check-ins, which involve weekly or bi-weekly discussions where phones are put away, and they face each other to discuss their mental health, how they are doing as partners, and what they can do to improve. They introduce two new questions to add at the end of the check-in: "What is one thing that I did not do to your standard this week?" and "What did I do that I excelled at this week?". The purpose of these questions is to provide a balanced perspective and end the conversation on a positive note. They emphasize that during these check-ins, partners should not get angry when receiving criticism, and criticism should be delivered politely. The goal is to work on improving behavior rather than dwelling on negative feedback.
Contracts in Relationships
The hosts discuss the importance of contracts in their relationship, which involve laying out expectations and responsibilities to ensure a smooth household. They explain that they have had numerous conversations and written agreements outlining each partner's jobs, such as cooking, cleaning, finances, and vehicle maintenance. By clearly defining these roles, they eliminate blame and promote teamwork, leading to more free time. While they avoid discussing the specifics of their "exit contract," they mention having a prenuptial agreement to ensure financial security for the wife in case of separation. They emphasize that laying out expectations is crucial for any serious relationship to avoid future problems.
Communication vs Comprehension
The hosts discuss the difference between communication and comprehension in relationships. Communication involves delivering messages with attention to tone and word choice, while comprehension requires removing emotional biases and listening logically. They emphasize the importance of repeating back what a partner says to ensure understanding and to highlight any aggressive tones used. They also discuss the significance of body language and non-verbal communication, which accounts for 70-80% of communication. Defining words and understanding each other's communication styles are crucial for effective comprehension. They also address the "iPhone effect," where the mere presence of a phone can detract from engagement in a conversation.
Healing from Past Relationship Issues
The hosts discuss how they heal from past relationship issues, emphasizing accountability and acceptance. One host shares his extreme accountability approach, viewing every situation as his fault and dwelling on past mistakes to avoid regression. The other host emphasizes learning from past traumas and accepting that closure may not come from the person who caused the pain. They both agree that it's important to take accountability for triggers and to understand why certain things affect them so much. They also touch on the importance of personal growth and constantly evolving to avoid stagnation.
Dom Sub Relationship
The hosts discuss how they got into a Dom/sub relationship, emphasizing the importance of open communication and research. They explain that they both had previous experiences with Dom/sub dynamics and found it essential for their long-term relationship. They advise couples interested in exploring this dynamic to start with generic requests, establish safe words, and research Kink websites together. They stress the importance of having a safe word and engaging in open conversations to ensure both partners are comfortable and enjoying the experience.
Partner Going Out Regularly
The hosts discuss their views on a partner going out regularly, particularly when they have a partner and kids at home. They express strong disapproval of a partner going out five nights a week, viewing it as a sign of not being committed to the family. They emphasize the importance of spending time together and prioritizing family. They clarify that while occasional outings with friends are acceptable, frequenting bars or nightclubs without the partner is disrespectful. They stress the importance of being present and engaged with family, especially when children are involved.
Emotional Vulnerability in Men
The hosts discuss the importance of emotional vulnerability in men, challenging the notion that men should not talk about their emotions. They share personal experiences and emphasize that showing vulnerability does not make a man weak. They highlight the importance of having a safe space to express emotions and the strength it takes to control emotions until they can be shared with a trusted partner. They also address the societal pressures that discourage men from being emotionally vulnerable, leading to higher rates of suicide.
Relationship Issues and Porn Addiction
The hosts discuss relationship issues stemming from a lack of communication and porn addiction. They analyze a listener's situation where there was no "getting to know each other" phase, leading to unresolved issues and a lack of emotional intimacy. The hosts emphasize the importance of having open conversations about expectations and addressing problems directly. They also discuss the negative impact of porn on relationships, citing research that shows it can physically alter the brain and lead to unrealistic expectations.
Frustration in Relationship
The hosts analyze an email from a listener frustrated with her relationship, where her boyfriend exhibits several negative traits and does not meet her expectations for a traditional marriage. They break down each issue, such as inconsistency, lack of gentlemanly behavior, porn addiction, and inability to lead. They emphasize the importance of a man's word, the need for financial responsibility, and the role of a man in protecting and providing for his family. They also discuss the subconscious safety a woman feels when she knows her man is capable of keeping her safe.
Traditional Marriage Expectations
The hosts continue analyzing the listener's email, focusing on her expectations for a traditional marriage and her boyfriend's inability to meet those expectations. They discuss the importance of having clear expectations and communicating them effectively. They also address the listener's desire to help her boyfriend improve, emphasizing that while it's important to be supportive, it's not her job to fix him. They stress the need for him to be willing to change and to take responsibility for his actions.
Advice and Expectations
The hosts provide advice to the listener, emphasizing the importance of having a direct conversation with her boyfriend about her expectations for a traditional marriage. They suggest listing out what she expects and asking him to define what a traditional value marriage means to him. They also discuss the challenges of dating someone who is emotionally unavailable and the need for him to be willing to work on improving himself. They conclude that if he is not willing to make changes, it may be best to move on.
Work Wife
The hosts discuss the concept of having a "work wife" or "work husband," expressing strong disapproval of the idea. They share personal experiences and explain that having close relationships with coworkers of the opposite sex can lead to inappropriate conversations and negativity bias towards one's partner. They emphasize the importance of keeping personal issues within the relationship and avoiding seeking sympathy or attention from coworkers. They also stress the importance of civil communication and resolving conflicts directly with one's partner.
Communication Issues
The hosts address a question about what to do when a partner refuses to communicate and ignores issues. They suggest implementing weekly check-ins to create a safe space for open communication. They emphasize the importance of asking the partner what triggers their shutdown and being prepared for the answer. They also stress the need for both partners to be willing to engage in the conversation and to address the underlying issues.
Final Thoughts
The hosts reflect on the episode, expressing disappointment that they were not able to provide more helpful advice due to the challenging situations presented in the listener emails. They emphasize that therapy and relationship advice are only effective if both partners are willing to do the work. They reiterate the importance of communication, setting expectations, and being willing to make changes. They also announce the upcoming launch of their Patreon, where they will offer live calls and personalized coaching. They conclude by wishing their listeners a Merry Christmas and thanking them for joining the podcast.
