Brief Summary
This video addresses the common issue of repeatedly attracting toxic partners and provides guidance on breaking this cycle. It emphasizes that while it's not your fault, it is your responsibility to understand and change the underlying patterns. The video identifies four core reasons for this attraction: unhealed childhood trauma, an energetic set point of unworthiness, the need to prove lovability, and not being in your power. It also offers practical steps to overcome these issues, including healing your inner child, rewiring your self-worth, practicing embodiment, building safety and stillness, and using powerful affirmations.
- Unhealed childhood trauma leads to attracting familiar chaotic relationships.
- A belief of unworthiness results in attracting partners who reinforce that feeling.
- The need to prove lovability leads to attracting broken people who leave once fixed.
- Not being in your power means attracting from a frequency of not deserving great love.
Introduction
The video addresses the recurring issue of attracting toxic partners, driven by requests from viewers. The speaker acknowledges the frustration and confusion of being in a cycle of attracting emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, or unfaithful partners. She emphasizes that there is a reason for this pattern and aims to provide clarity and solutions based on her own experiences. The video will cover why this happens, the internal factors enabling this attraction, how to overcome these factors, and affirmations to rewire the subconscious mind.
Personal Backstory and Admitting Toxicity
The speaker shares her personal history of growing up in a dysfunctional environment with a father who was into gambling and an anxious mother. This led to emotional and financial instability, creating a void within her. As a teenager, her primary focus was on finding love, fueled by idealized stories of romance. She admits that she was equally toxic in her relationships, characterized by obsessiveness and possessiveness, stemming from a lack of self-worth and a need for constant validation.
Understanding the Root Causes
The speaker emphasizes that attracting toxic partners is not your fault, but understanding why it happens is your responsibility. Without addressing the underlying issues, you may find yourself attracting similar partners with different faces. There are four core reasons for this pattern: unhealed childhood trauma, an energetic set point of unworthiness, the need to prove your lovability, and not being in your power yet.
Unhealed Childhood Trauma
Growing up in a chaotic environment where parents constantly fought or love was expressed through abuse can lead to attracting similar chaotic relationships in adulthood. The subconscious mind seeks what is familiar, so even if there is no apparent reason for conflict, you may create it because your nervous system is tuned to chaos. Until you heal the relationship with your inner child, you will keep dating people who reflect your original wound, providing opportunities for inner healing. Pain is a portal to understanding and healing abandoned parts of yourself. Attracting emotionally unavailable partners often reflects your own emotional unavailability to yourself.
Energetic Set Point of Unworthiness
A common belief among those struggling in relationships is feeling unworthy or not good enough. This can stem from a lack of love or validation during childhood. People with this energetic set point attract relationships that reinforce their feelings of unworthiness. Nobody can make you feel anything you are not already feeling about yourself. A person who feels worthy will not settle for breadcrumbs, while someone who feels unworthy may accept minimal effort. Decisions are often rooted in either worthiness or unworthiness, and you attract what you believe you deserve. If you believe you are not good enough, you may unconsciously align with people who confirm that belief through neglect, betrayal, or manipulation. Instead of focusing solely on drawing boundaries, it's crucial to work on falling in love with yourself to raise your deservability factor.
The Need to Prove Your Lovability
If you were raised in an environment where love was conditional on performance or achievement, you may develop a belief that you need to prove yourself to be worthy of love. Toxic love often activates the part of you that is still trying to be chosen. This can manifest as a "fixer" or "rescuer" mentality, where you try to fix broken people to feel important and loved. However, once these individuals are fixed, they may leave, as your entire focus was on their well-being rather than your own. Unconsciously, you may give others permission to walk all over you.
Not Being in Your Power Yet
You attract from the frequency you are in. If you believe you don't deserve great love or that relationships are bad, you will attract people who confirm those beliefs. You are the center of your universe, and your energy attracts people, circumstances, and situations into your life. To change the kind of people you attract, you must go within and fix your beliefs about yourself and relationships. If you believe relationships are hard, you will attract people who make them hard. The speaker shares her personal transformation after years of toxic relationships, emphasizing that change is possible by going within and fixing yourself.
What Needs to Change
To break the cycle of attracting toxic partners, four key changes are necessary: healing your inner child, rewiring your self-worth, practicing embodiment, and building safety and stillness.
- Heal Your Inner Child: Connect with your inner child daily, reassuring them of your unwavering support and love.
- Rewire Your Self-Worth: Evaluate every decision based on whether it meets your standards, refusing to settle for less.
- Practice Embodiment: Embody the energy of your future self who feels loved, empowered, and worthy, acting and speaking as they would.
- Build Safety and Stillness: Spend time in solitude without distractions to build a divine connection with yourself and the cosmos.
Powerful Affirmations
The speaker provides four powerful affirmations to rewire your subconscious mind regarding your deservability in love:
- I am no longer available for love that costs me my peace.
- I deserve a love that feels safe, steady, and soul-aligned.
- The old me attracted from wounding; the new me attracts from worth.
- I am not here to fix people; I am here to choose myself.
Repeating these affirmations daily can transform your life. Everyone comes into your life as a lesson, and even painful experiences can help you understand and align with yourself better. Invest your time, money, and energy in things that empower you.
