TLDR;
This video explores how to unlock ultimate confidence and authenticity by understanding and reshaping your sense of self. Liz discusses the importance of self-awareness, challenging limiting beliefs, setting boundaries, and taking responsibility for your life. She also touches on the impact of external influences, the need to live in the present, and the power of believing in yourself.
- Understanding your true self is key to confidence.
- Challenge and change limiting beliefs imposed by others.
- Set clear boundaries and non-negotiables in relationships and work.
- Take responsibility for your life and avoid becoming addicted to suffering.
- Choose your environment and influences wisely.
- Live in the present and believe in your own worth.
Introduction [0:00]
Liz introduces the video's focus on achieving ultimate confidence and authenticity by understanding oneself. She emphasises the need to explore your likes, dislikes, and boundaries to truly know yourself. According to Liz, self-study and understanding your behaviours are crucial for personal growth and preventing external influences from dictating your self-perception.
BetterHelp Sponsor [0:30]
Liz introduces BetterHelp, an online therapy platform with over 30,000 therapists, as a sponsor. She highlights the platform's benefits, including unbiased advice, a wide selection of therapists, and the option to switch therapists without extra charges. BetterHelp offers a convenient way to access therapy from home, with options for video, phone, or messaging-based sessions. To get started, users complete a questionnaire to assess their needs and are matched with a therapist, often within a few days, with a special discount available using the code "wizardliz".
The Illusion of Self [1:54]
Liz argues that the "self" is a construct of beliefs instilled by parents, friends, and society. She suggests that many choices, such as career paths and appearances, are influenced by societal norms rather than genuine personal desires. The empowering aspect of this realisation is that you can reshape your self-perception and become who you truly want to be by changing the way you talk to yourself and challenging ingrained beliefs.
Reshaping Your Self-Perception [2:43]
Liz stresses the importance of changing negative self-talk rooted in childhood experiences. She shares a personal anecdote about being told she wasn't smart and how she now actively reaffirms her intelligence. She encourages viewers to challenge negative perceptions and create their own positive affirmations, regardless of societal beauty standards or past criticisms. By consciously choosing your self-perception, you create your own reality and character.
Acting vs. Reacting [4:27]
Liz shares a conversation with her therapist about the importance of acting rather than reacting to life. She explains that sensitive people often say yes to things out of a fear of disappointing others. She advises connecting with your heart and asking yourself if your actions align with your true desires. Saying yes or no based on your authentic self leads to increased confidence.
Setting Non-Negotiables [5:25]
Liz emphasises the importance of identifying and upholding your non-negotiables in relationships and work. For her, loyalty in a relationship is non-negotiable. She explains that breaking trust can be traumatising and affect future relationships. Having clear boundaries and sticking to them fosters self-confidence and earns respect from others. Liz highlights the strength of a woman who leaves a relationship after infidelity, demonstrating unwavering self-worth.
Dopamine Receptors and Triggers [8:01]
Liz discusses how worn-out dopamine receptors can lead to seeking extreme experiences for excitement, often seen in normalised alcoholism and substance abuse. She also highlights the importance of identifying personal triggers and their origins, relating a personal experience of being triggered by control due to a restrictive upbringing. Understanding the root of these triggers allows for healing and respectful interactions with others.
Accountability and Healing [9:29]
Liz shares how therapy helped her take accountability for her actions and change her life. She stresses that understanding your triggers helps you realise you're not inherently bad, but acting out of past wounds. Acknowledging and processing feelings, rather than suppressing them, is crucial for healing. Liz encourages releasing pent-up anger and resentment through crying or talking, even if it means repeating stories until they're out of your system.
Recognising Patterns [11:57]
Liz advises viewers to look for repeating patterns in their lives, as these patterns indicate where healing is needed. She shares her experience of attracting a partner similar to her abusive father, realising she was recreating her parents' relationship. This awareness led her to break the cycle to prevent passing the same traumas onto future generations. She encourages taking responsibility for your life instead of blaming the past, empowering you to become the strongest version of yourself.
Responsibility vs. Blame [13:23]
Liz stresses the importance of taking responsibility for your life rather than blaming others for your circumstances. She asserts that blame gives power to the abuser, while responsibility empowers you to overcome any situation. She encourages viewers to refuse to succumb to abuse and instead strive to come out on top, no matter what.
Avoiding Addiction to Suffering [14:49]
Liz warns against becoming addicted to the sensation of stress and drama, a common trait among those with abusive childhoods. She encourages viewers to recognise that they are no longer the abused child or the person who was cheated on, and to create a calm and peaceful life. Acknowledge the past but don't let it define you today.
Identifying Influences [16:00]
Liz advises viewers to identify who feeds them and who takes from them, sharing her experience of feeling depressed and isolated in a previous relationship. She realised that being around her family and old friends made her feel alive again, highlighting the importance of equal give and exchange in relationships. She encourages choosing to surround yourself with people who uplift and energise you, rather than drain you.
Choosing Your Circle Wisely [17:54]
Liz stresses the importance of choosing your friends wisely, as they shape who you become. She shares her decision to distance herself from people with alcohol or substance addictions, as their lifestyle didn't align with her goals. She emphasises the need to surround yourself with people who share your morals and values, and who are connected to themselves rather than trying to escape reality.
External Messages and Signs [19:48]
Liz encourages viewers to pay attention to the messages they receive from books, TV shows, and people, seeing them as signs from the universe. She explains that everyone interprets these messages differently based on their own perspective and life experiences. She shares an anecdote about meeting someone who taught her about her avoidant attachment style, highlighting the importance of being open to learning about yourself from unexpected sources.
Self-Reflection and Living in the Now [22:33]
Liz suggests writing down answers to questions about yourself, your likes, dislikes, hobbies, and how you want to be treated, to gain a clearer understanding of who you are. She also shares her sister's advice to live in the present, rather than constantly focusing on the future. Appreciating the present moment reduces anxiety and stress, and allows you to create the future by focusing on what you can do now.
Detachment from Others' Opinions [24:19]
Liz asserts that what others think of you is none of your business. She explains that you can't control how people perceive you, and it's more important to focus on your own thoughts and actions. Accepting that criticism is a part of life allows you to live authentically and without fear.
Believing in Yourself [25:48]
Liz concludes by emphasising the importance of believing in yourself and your worth. She encourages viewers to reject others' limitations and claim the life they desire. Deciding to be confident, beautiful, and amazing unlocks that version of yourself. She urges viewers to be free spirits, living their best lives and creating the best possible world, without letting others dictate their worth.