TLDR;
In this episode of Dear Chelsea, Chelsea Handler and her guest, Gemma, host of "The Psychology of Your 20s" podcast, discuss the unique challenges and anxieties faced by people in their 20s today compared to previous generations. They touch on topics such as social media's impact, the fear of being disliked, friendship breakups, finding love, and career pressures. They also offer advice to three callers dealing with issues related to coming out in a small town, homesickness, and career dissatisfaction.
- The prevalence of social media amplifies feelings of exclusion and competition.
- It's important to develop a strong sense of self to navigate external pressures.
- Friendship breakups are a common but painful experience in your 20s.
- Finding love shouldn't be forced; it often happens naturally.
- It's okay to prioritize different aspects of life at different times.
Introduction [0:10]
Chelsea Handler introduces Gemma, the host of "The Psychology of Your 20s" podcast, and they begin discussing the differences between being in your 20s today versus previous periods. Gemma suggests that today's 20-somethings face more technology, opportunities, competition, choice overload, and pressing economic and climate threats. While there's more freedom in dating, self-expression, and career options, this also brings additional stresses that previous generations didn't have to deal with.
The Impact of Social Media and Being Disliked [1:36]
Chelsea and Gemma discuss the significant role of social media in today's society, noting that it amplifies the feeling of knowing what everyone else is doing and when you're not invited. They discuss the ability to handle being disliked, emphasizing the human need for acceptance and belonging. Gemma shares that the fear of missing out and being disliked stems from a primal need to feel like you matter and that others would care if you were gone.
Friendship Breakups and Personal Growth [8:41]
The conversation shifts to friendship breakups, a common experience in life, especially during your 20s. Gemma recounts a significant friendship breakup she experienced after leaving university, describing it as a "fizzle" where they fell out of love with each other. She emphasizes the importance of examining one's own behavior in such situations. She shares a story about seeing her former friend years later and realizing that everything had worked out for her, highlighting the maturity and growth that can come from painful experiences.
Finding Love and the Pressure to Achieve [13:41]
Chelsea and Gemma discuss the topic of finding love and the pressure many people in their 20s feel to find it. Chelsea expresses her belief that most people do find love and that actively pursuing it can be counterproductive. Gemma agrees, noting that people are often told to be proactive in other areas of life, but love is unpredictable and lacks a clear structure. They touch on the feeling of life not starting until certain goals are achieved, such as finding a career or love, and how this mindset can lead to missing out on the present.
The "Life Hasn't Started Yet" Feeling [17:54]
The discussion centers on the common feeling in your 20s that "life hasn't started yet" or that you're falling behind. Gemma shares her experience of going on a dating detox and then unexpectedly meeting her current partner. They discuss the challenge of balancing planning for the future with enjoying the present and the anxiety that comes with feeling like you're not doing enough. Chelsea emphasizes that passion and genuine love for what you're doing are more important than being overly aggressive in pursuing goals.
The Value of Age Gap Friendships and the Illusion of Survival [20:43]
Gemma highlights the benefits of having friendships with people of different age groups, particularly older individuals who can offer valuable perspective and advice. They discuss the desire to be seen, valued, and to matter, which often starts in adolescence. Chelsea notes that in your 20s, the idea of survival becomes more abstract, focusing on social and love survival rather than basic needs. She also points out the tendency to overemphasize the importance of everything during this period.
Anxiety Levels and Environmental Factors [23:33]
Chelsea and Gemma address the high levels of anxiety prevalent among 20-year-olds today. Gemma argues that the current environment, characterized by instability and overstimulation, contributes significantly to this anxiety. She notes that young people feel responsible for a future that seems uncertain and frightening.
Caller 1: Michelle - Coming Out in a Small Town [25:16]
Michelle, a 25-year-old, calls in to discuss her struggle with coming to terms with her sexuality in a small mountain town where she has a significant career opportunity. She worries about the lack of a queer community and whether she would be happier in a bigger, more diverse city. Chelsea advises her not to project potential issues before giving herself a chance to be out in her current community. Gemma suggests that Michelle is in a "waiting room" and needs to decide what's more important right now: community or career. They both encourage her to get involved in local LGBTQ+ events and consider the possibility of opening a branch of her company in a more queer-friendly city.
Caller 2: Rey - Homesickness and Emotional Exhaustion [34:26]
Rey calls in to talk about her homesickness and the emotional exhaustion she experiences every time she visits her family. She explains that her family's tearful goodbyes and constant reminders of how much they miss her cause her significant anxiety and make it difficult to return to her life. Chelsea identifies the root of the problem as guilt, stemming from her family's behavior. Gemma suggests that Rey's family should visit her more often and that they should meet in neutral places for holidays. Chelsea advises Rey to communicate her feelings to her family, explaining that their behavior is making it harder for her to visit.
Caller 3: Briana - Career Dissatisfaction [45:16]
Briana, a 26-year-old, calls in to express her dissatisfaction with her new marketing job, which pays less and offers less freedom than her previous bartending job. She feels bored, unfulfilled, and misses her passions for travel and scuba diving. Chelsea encourages her to return to bartending if it makes her happier, while also exploring job opportunities related to her passions. Gemma suggests following a six-month rule to ensure it's not just an adjustment period and to use the job as a security net while planning her next move.
Final Thoughts [50:18]
Chelsea and Gemma conclude the episode by thanking their callers and reflecting on the challenges faced by 20-year-olds today. They acknowledge that every generation faces its own struggles, but the current environment presents unique anxieties. Gemma encourages listeners to check out her podcast, "The Psychology of Your 20s," for more discussions on these topics.
