TLDR;
This video reviews "Jurassic World Rebirth," highlighting its absurd plot points, illogical character decisions, and overall lack of realism. The reviewer points out numerous instances where the script relies on contrived scenarios and plot armor, ultimately undermining any sense of suspense or danger.
- The movie opens with an absurd plot point involving a Snickers wrapper causing a compound implosion.
- The world's supposed disinterest in dinosaurs post-Dominion is unrealistic.
- Characters make irrational decisions that defy logic and common sense.
- The family subplot is forced and their survival relies heavily on plot armor.
- The mutated dinosaurs are underutilized and not particularly threatening.
Intro [0:00]
The video introduces "Jurassic World Rebirth" as a movie that received mediocre reviews and is considered extremely dumb. The reviewer sets out to examine the film and highlight its most absurd moments, providing a recap for those who haven't seen it.
Absurd Opening and Worldbuilding Issues [0:09]
The movie begins with a scientist dropping a Snickers wrapper, which gets sucked into a door vent, causing the entire compound to implode. The reviewer questions the logic of an air vent in a door and how a wrapper could cause such a malfunction. The movie then jumps to a present day setting after the events of Dominion, where dinosaurs are supposedly going extinct due to only being able to live near the equator. The reviewer finds it hard to believe that the world has lost interest in dinosaurs to the point where museums are closing down.
Premise and Annoying Family Subplot [1:11]
The premise involves a healthcare businessman, Martin Krebs, hiring a team to acquire blood samples from three large dinosaurs to create a heart disease cure. He hires Zora, Dr. Lumis, and a mercenary named Duncan. The reviewer finds it ironic that Zora is only offered $10 million for a cure that could make trillions. The movie introduces a subplot involving a family on a sailing trip through the Caribbean, despite the area being known for its high dinosaur population. The reviewer questions the father's awareness and the writer's decision to force this family into the story.
Crash Landing and Family's Plot Armor [4:17]
The family is attacked by a mosasaurus and rescued by the main crew, who then decide to bring them along despite the mission being illegal. The crew's boat crashes into a beach at 100 mph, and the family jumps off early, separating from the mercenaries. The family's plot armor becomes apparent as they navigate the island, with the boyfriend encountering velociraptors but being saved by a mutadon. The family randomly camps out in the open with a fire, which should attract dinosaurs, but they are left undisturbed.
T-Rex Encounter and Mutated Dinosaurs [8:52]
The family encounters a sleeping T-Rex near an inflatable raft. The daughter decides to inflate the raft in front of the T-Rex, waking it up. The T-Rex comically slows itself down while pursuing the family, allowing them to escape. The family eventually makes it to the abandoned village without any further dinosaur encounters. The main crew acknowledges that the island is infested with mutated dinosaurs, but only two types are shown: the mutadon and the distorted Rex.
Contradictory Character Motivations and Convenient Deaths [12:28]
The dino crew decides to continue their mission, ignoring Duncan's plea to save the family. Zora's motivation shifts from being money-focused to altruistic, which contradicts her earlier actions. Martin finds a crashed helicopter and takes a gun from the dead pilot. The crew plans to repel down into a terasaur nest to get a blood sample from an egg. Zora proposes open-sourcing the blood samples, but the reviewer points out that this wouldn't necessarily make the cure affordable for everyone.
Unrealistic Survival and Incoherent Actions [15:13]
A terasaur attacks, and a background character sacrifices himself to save Zora and Lumis. Dr. Lumis falls off a mountain but survives due to conveniently placed leaves and a pond. Duncan and Martin find a secret tunnel that leads them to Lumis. Mutadons attack, causing the characters to split up. The family holds off a mutadon at a gas station, and baby Yodasaurus teleports to their location. Duncan and Lumis find a pristine boat, despite the island being hastily evacuated.
Helicopter Crash and Final Confrontation [19:57]
A helicopter arrives, but the D-Rex shows up and devours the people inside. Martin steals a car and drives aimlessly around the compound. The characters end up in a drainage system, and Isabella is nearly attacked by the D-Rex. Martin drives into the D-Rex, sacrificing himself. The D-Rex bites Martin's arm, releasing the suitcase full of blood samples into Zora's lap.
Cop-Out Survival and Illogical Ending [22:10]
The characters run to the dock, and Duncan lures the D-Rex away with a flare. Duncan survives, despite being in close proximity to the D-Rex. Isabella takes baby Yodasaurus home, even though dinosaurs can't survive outside of the equator's tropical climate. The reviewer concludes that "Jurassic World Rebirth" is a mind-bogglingly dumb movie that fails to create a decent script.