TLDR;
This video discusses common mistakes people make in relationships when they feel the other person is pulling away. It emphasizes the importance of not becoming overly subservient, understanding the psychology of reciprocity, and maintaining self-respect by not constantly seeking attention or prolonging conversations when the other person isn't engaged. The video suggests mirroring the other person's behavior, focusing on personal well-being, and occasionally creating a sense of absence to make them appreciate your presence.
- Avoid being a "yes boss" and investing everything in someone who doesn't reciprocate.
- Treat others as they treat you, maintaining a balance in the relationship.
- Don't fight for attention; instead, focus on your own life and interests.
- Avoid prolonging conversations when the other person is disengaged.
- Take care of yourself and your routine, and be willing to say no sometimes.
Introduction [0:00]
The speaker introduces the topic of why someone might be distancing themselves in a relationship. He suggests several reasons, including having said something offensive, the other person trying to make you realize a mistake, or the other person simply changing their mind about the relationship. The video aims to address these issues and provide advice on how to handle them.
Mistake 1: Becoming a "Yes Boss" [0:45]
The first mistake discussed is becoming overly agreeable and subservient to the other person. This includes always agreeing with them, giving them whatever they ask for (money, time, emotions), and essentially investing everything in them. The speaker warns against becoming a "slave" in the relationship, as this can lead to the other person losing respect and taking you for granted. He emphasizes that you should neither make the other person a slave nor allow yourself to become one.
The Psychology of Reciprocity [2:18]
The speaker introduces the psychology of rhythm, which suggests treating others as they treat you. If someone gives you four hours of their time, it doesn't mean you should give them more in return, hoping they'll reciprocate. He advises against fighting for attention or begging for time, as this can make you seem useless in the other person's eyes. Instead, he suggests changing your routine and path so that the other person might miss you and try to find you.
The Importance of Presence and Absence [4:13]
The speaker emphasizes that your presence or absence should make the other person feel something is missing. He uses the analogy of a beggar who becomes annoying if they ask for money every day. Similarly, if you are always available and constantly seeking attention, the other person may become tired of it. He advises making the other person realize the value of your presence and what your absence would mean to them.
Mistake 2: Prolonging Conversations [4:31]
Another mistake is prolonging conversations when the other person is not in the mood to talk. If they reply with short, dismissive messages, you shouldn't try to extend the conversation. Doing so can lead to a loss of self-respect and create problems in the relationship. The speaker advises giving the other person as much time as they are willing to give and not forcing them to talk when they are not interested.
The Importance of Self-Care and Routine [5:22]
The speaker stresses the importance of taking care of yourself and maintaining your routine. He notes that many people will stay up all night or neglect their work waiting for the other person, which ruins their routine life. This can lead to the other person not giving you time. He advises against running after them and instead treating them at their level. If they give you less time, you should reciprocate accordingly.
Treating Them at Their Level [6:06]
The speaker elaborates on treating the other person at their level. If they give you less time, you should give them less time. When you are free, concentrate on your work and engage in other activities. Don't always be available when they are free, so they will realize that you have your own life and are not always waiting for them. This will make them think about your absence and appreciate your presence more.
Taking Initiative and Showing Effort [6:50]
The speaker points out that if you are always the one taking the initiative and making the effort, the other person may not care. He advises learning to give them time as per their requirement and not talking at length when the conversation is ending. It's important to take care of your sleep and sometimes say no to them when you are busy. This will make them realize that you have other priorities and are not always available.
Relationship Psychology and Self-Improvement [7:49]
The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding relationship psychology. He notes that those who are in love and worried about their relationship will understand these concepts. He reiterates the importance of taking care of yourself and focusing on your own well-being. If the other person replies late, you should also reply late for a couple of days to make them realize your worth.
Testing the Relationship [8:31]
The speaker suggests testing the relationship by replying late for a day or two to see how the other person reacts. This will help you understand the sincerity and truth in your relationship and whether the other person truly cares for you. It will also reveal whether you are the only one pursuing the relationship or if they are equally invested. He encourages viewers to try this for a few days to gain clarity.