TLDR;
This Jay Shetty podcast episode features Vin, a communication expert, discussing how to improve communication skills for personal and professional growth. They emphasise that communication skills are learnable behaviours, not innate traits. Key takeaways include:
- Overcoming shyness and building confidence through practice.
- The importance of self-awareness via recording and reviewing your communication.
- Protecting your energy as an introvert.
- The power of pausing and mindful delivery.
- The need to focus on both what you say and how you say it.
Are You Struggling to Communicate Clearly? [0:29]
Vin shares his personal journey of overcoming communication challenges as English is his third language. He highlights the fulfillment he found in teaching communication skills, contrasting it with his earlier career as a magician. Vin asserts that anyone can transform from a shy, insecure speaker to a confident communicator by practicing specific behaviours. He stresses that effective communication involves learned behaviours like mouth movement, airflow manipulation, and hand gestures.
The Path to Becoming a Confident Speaker [2:13]
Vin explains that communication habits are often learned from observing and mimicking others, especially during childhood. He points out that what people perceive as their "natural voice" is actually a "habitual voice," shaped by repeated behaviours. These habits, once ingrained in the subconscious, feel like an unchangeable part of one's identity.
Do you have “Unconscious Incompetence?” [4:27]
Vin and Jay discuss the four stages of competence: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence (mastery). They highlight that many people are unaware of their communication flaws (unconscious incompetence). Vin emphasises the importance of becoming aware of these flaws to improve. He notes that the conscious competence stage can feel unnatural, but it's a necessary step towards mastery.
Change Your Habits, Change Your Confidence [6:07]
Vin defines "home" as the familiar, suggesting that people's current communication style feels like home because it's been practiced for years. He encourages listeners to expand their communication skills beyond their comfort zone, comparing it to exploring all the keys on a piano instead of just a few. Vin argues that people often label unfamiliar communication styles as "fake" and "phony," which limits their growth. He encourages listeners to avoid being overly attached to their present communication style to allow for future growth.
A Simple Way to Build Self-Awareness [8:40]
Vin identifies self-awareness as the first thing people seek when they come to him for help. He recommends a simple technique: record and review yourself speaking. He suggests watching the video on mute first to observe body language and visual ticks, then listening to the audio to assess vocal qualities. Finally, he advises transcribing the recording to analyse communication patterns. Vin shares a story of a student who improved his clarity and authority by identifying and eliminating filler words through this process.
Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (and How to Stop It) [12:30]
Vin explains that people often get interrupted because they are easy to interrupt due to low vocal and physical presence. He advises using stronger volume, larger body language, and standing during meetings to assert authority. He acknowledges that these actions may initially feel unfamiliar but encourages reframing them as simply "unfamiliar" rather than "fake."
Why Communication Skills Are More Important Than Ever [15:57]
Jay and Vin stress the daily impact of communication on various aspects of life, including career advancement and personal relationships. Vin's vocal teacher's advice is shared, highlighting that introverts need to be strategic with when they "play their instrument" (communicate), while extroverts can do it all day. He emphasizes that technical skills alone are insufficient; communication skills are crucial for shining brightly and influencing others.
Protecting Your Energy as an Introvert or Extrovert [19:01]
Vin advises introverts to protect their energy by conserving it before important events. He suggests having "menu items" or quick ways to rejuvenate energy, such as the Wim Hof breathing technique. The Wim Hof breathing technique involves 30 deep breaths, followed by holding your breath after exhaling, then taking a deep breath and holding for 15 seconds before releasing. He also recommends healthy snacks, favourite beverages, and routines that boost mood.
How to Create a Routine That Helps You Perform at Your Best [23:21]
Jay shares his experience from a world tour where he had to adjust his routine to perform at his best every night. He emphasizes the importance of finding what works for you, as there's no one-size-fits-all approach. He highlights that showing up with energy, intention, and purpose requires work and dedication.
Why You Cringe at the Sound of Your Own Voice [26:25]
Vin explains that people dislike the sound of their recorded voice because it differs from how they perceive it internally due to bone and muscle vibrations. He suggests desensitizing yourself by listening to your voice repeatedly until the calibration happens between what you hear in your head and what you hear on audio replay.
What Failure Teaches Us About Growth [31:00]
Jay recounts his experience in public speaking school, highlighting the years of discomfort and practice it took to build confidence. Vin emphasizes that it's harder to change communication habits later in life because they've been ingrained for so long. He stresses the importance of focusing on one thing at a time and being willing to fail, as failures provide valuable learning opportunities.
How to Become a Natural Communicator [35:31]
Vin advises older individuals to focus on changing one communication behaviour at a time. He shares an anecdote about coaching CEOs who struggled with this concept. Jay draws a parallel to driving, noting how bad habits develop over time without review. Vin encourages listeners to think of driving as an example of unconscious competence, illustrating what's possible with mastery of communication skills.
Why Mastering Communication Gives You True Freedom [39:43]
Jay and Vin discuss how mastering communication leads to naturalness and freedom. Jay shares a story about a comedian who appeared spontaneous but was highly trained. Vin notes that mastery allows for discovery and creativity in the moment. He shares that he aims to feed off the energy in the room.
Vinh’s Most Embarrassing Public Speaking Moment [44:49]
Jay recounts his first public speaking experience at age seven, which was a disaster. Vin shares his embarrassing university presentation where he had a nosebleed. Both stories illustrate how early negative experiences can create a fear of public speaking.
Do Accents Hold You Back from Being Understood? [47:53]
Jay and Vin discuss the fear people have around their accents. Vin believes articulation and pronunciation are the real issues, not accents themselves. He explains that he had to learn to overarticulate and pronounce words correctly when he moved to the US, as his Australian slang and slurring made him difficult to understand.
The Pen-in-Mouth Trick to Sharpen Your Speech [52:57]
Vin recommends an exercise to improve articulation: read a book aloud for five minutes, four times a day, while overdoing lip and tongue movements. He suggests putting a pen in your mouth to force overarticulation. Jay and Vin demonstrate the pen-in-mouth technique.
Don’t Just Learn the Tools, Own Them [56:20]
Vin emphasizes that it's crucial to focus on both what you say and how you say it. He shares that until he found purpose and fulfillment in teaching public speaking, he didn't have much to talk about. He encourages listeners to take responsibility for shining their light and not wait for someone else to do it for them.
How to Slow Down Your Speech Without Sounding Boring [59:36]
Vin advises identifying situations where you speak too fast and addressing the underlying anxiety. He recommends breathing exercises, getting rid of adrenaline through physical activity, and shifting your mindset to focus on serving the audience rather than being self-conscious. He highlights the importance of pausing to allow listeners to process information.
It’s Not Just What You Say, It’s How People Hear It [1:04:45]
Vin stresses that communication is not just about what you send but how it's received. He emphasizes the importance of clarity and pausing to allow processing. He encourages listeners to switch to an audience consciousness, focusing on their needs and struggles rather than trying to be impressive.
Matching Energy: How to Meet People Where They Are [1:07:40]
Vin advises matching and mirroring people's vocal foundations (rate of speech, volume, pitch, tonality, and pauses) to build rapport. He shares that he didn't have sensitivity growing up and didn't understand why his relationships failed. He highlights the importance of having different "gears" or communication styles for different situations.
How to Show Up as the Bigger, Bolder Version of Yourself [1:13:25]
Vin encourages listeners to "be as big as the room," adjusting their energy and communication style to the context. He cautions against being too small, as it can come across as uncaring. He emphasizes the importance of developing sensitivity to gauge the appropriate level of energy.
Why Public Speaking Is Still the #1 Fear [1:16:02]
Vin notes that public speaking is the number one fear in the world, but this presents an opportunity to gain a competitive edge by improving communication skills. He highlights that creators become great communicators by filming themselves and reviewing their performance.
How Filming Yourself Can Instantly Improve Your Speaking [1:18:00]
Vin reiterates the importance of filming yourself speaking to identify and eliminate unhelpful behaviours. He compares the journey of becoming a great communicator to becoming a great chef, suggesting that you should copy recipes (communication styles) from those you admire and then add your own flavour. He encourages listeners to look up their top five communicators and try on their behaviours.
What Makes Steve Jobs’ Speech So Powerful [1:25:07]
Vin and Jay discuss their favourite communicators, including Darren Brown and Steve Jobs. Vin explains that Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech is powerful because the content is so profound that it transcends delivery. He draws a parallel to music, where powerful lyrics can resonate regardless of the performance.
Why We Sense When Someone Feels Inauthentic [1:28:35]
Vin explains that people sense inauthenticity when someone is trying something new but hasn't ironed it out yet. He compares it to a beginner playing the saxophone. He stresses the importance of compassion and empathy, recognizing that people are often just exploring their instrument. He advises priming conversations by telling people you're working on your communication skills.
Vinh on Final Five [1:34:06]
In the final five segment, Vin answers rapid-fire questions:
- Best communication advice: Your voice is an instrument; play all the songs trapped within you.
- Worst communication advice: If you're nervous, just look over their heads.
- Why do hands shake when nervous?: Excess adrenaline.
- Something once believed about communication: That I was stuck with the sound of my voice.
- One law everyone must follow: Use your instrument to spread more love, kindness, and compassion.