Brief Summary
This YouTube video features a discussion between Dr. Alok Kanojia (Dr. K) and Dr. Kirk Honda from Psychology in Seattle, focusing on avoidant and schizoid personality disorders. The conversation explores the childhood traumas associated with these disorders, the resulting perceptual distortions, and potential therapeutic approaches. Key points include:
- Personality disorders stem from pathologically distorted perceptions rooted in early relational traumas.
- Avoidant Personality Disorder is often linked to neglect and feeling excessively afraid of social situations during childhood.
- Schizoid Personality Disorder typically arises from severe neglect and invasive enmeshment, leading to emotional detachment.
- Therapy for these disorders involves awareness, understanding emotions, and corrective experiences within secure relationships.
Intro
Dr. K introduces Dr. Kirk Honda, an expert on personality disorders, particularly avoidant personality disorder. They also plan to discuss schizoid personality disorder and loneliness. Dr. Honda shares his background, mentioning his podcast and YouTube channel, "Psychology in Seattle," which he has been running since 2008. His content includes deep dives into personality disorders, reactions to reality TV shows like "Love is Blind," and discussions with co-hosts on various topics.
What is a Personality Disorder?
Dr. Honda explains that personality disorders are disorders in perception, resulting in pathologically distorted perceptions. For example, in borderline personality disorder, the distorted perception is the conviction of impending abandonment, even without evidence. These distortions stem from chronic relational traumas in early childhood.
Avoidant Personality Disorder
The childhood trauma associated with avoidant personality disorder involves general abuse and neglect, coupled with being made to feel excessively afraid of social situations. This can manifest through subtle ways, such as parents not being attuned to the child's needs or pushing them into unpleasant social situations like daycare without providing support. This leads to a perceptual distortion where the individual believes they are inherently ridiculous and rejectable, making social interaction terrifying.
The Cycle of Avoidance
Dr. Honda explains that the treatment for avoidant personality disorder involves both awareness and corrective experiences. Awareness alone isn't enough; individuals need positive social interactions where they feel loved and attuned to. This can involve a supportive spouse and therapist who understand and validate their feelings. Through graduated exposure to social situations and consistent support, the individual can habituate to positive experiences and develop a new, healthier perception of themselves.
Challenges in Treatment
Dr. K raises concerns about the assumptions that individuals with avoidant personality disorder have access to a spouse or therapist, given their difficulties in forming relationships. Dr. Honda acknowledges this challenge, noting that while the beginning is difficult, trust can be established over time. He also points out that some individuals with avoidant personality disorder may find romantic relationships less daunting than other social interactions, depending on their specific traumas.
Subjective Experiences of Avoidant Personality Disorder
Dr. Honda describes common experiences of individuals with avoidant personality disorder, including the conviction that everyone knows they are ridiculous. This can lead to excessive planning and anxiety before social interactions, avoidance of jobs requiring social interaction, and a belief that there is something inherently defective about them. This deep-seated belief persists even when external evidence contradicts it, necessitating corrective experiences to create new neural pathways.
Feelings and Reality
Dr. Honda and Dr. K discuss how feelings often precede and shape our perception of reality. People with avoidant personality disorder may latch onto a particular defect to explain their feelings of inadequacy, providing a temporary reprieve from the deeper, rawer sense of being broken. Stripping away these surface-level conclusions can initially worsen their feelings, highlighting the need for a deep therapeutic relationship and corrective experiences.
Looking into the Abyss
Dr. Honda describes a critical moment in therapy where individuals with personality disorders must confront their deepest fears and sense of defectiveness. He emphasises the therapist's role in providing hope and support during this process, assuring the client that they are not defective and that their negative beliefs stem from past mistreatment. This moment of shared vulnerability and acceptance is crucial for healing and neuroplasticity.
Social Anxiety vs. Avoidant Personality Disorder
Dr. Honda differentiates between social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder, noting that individuals with social anxiety often have insight into their excessive anxiety, whereas those with avoidant personality disorder are more convinced of their inherent defectiveness. However, he acknowledges that the line between the two can be fuzzy, and the treatment is often similar.
Impact of Technology
Dr. Honda discusses the impact of technology on social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder. While the internet can provide supportive communities and access to information, it can also inadvertently promote isolation by offering alternatives to real-world social interaction. He also touches on the role of helicopter parenting in hindering the development of social skills.
Personal Anecdotes
Dr. K and Dr. Honda share personal experiences of being bullied, reflecting on how these experiences shaped their perspectives and motivations. They discuss the importance of acknowledging past traumas and the potential for post-traumatic growth.
Schizoid Personality Disorder
Dr. Honda explains that schizoid personality disorder typically stems from severe neglect and invasive enmeshment during childhood. Children with this disorder learn to attenuate their emotions as a way of protecting themselves from rejection and invasion. As adults, they are often loners who believe they are happy but are actually emotionally subdued and demoralised.
Characteristics and Treatment of Schizoid Personality Disorder
Dr. Honda continues describing characteristics of schizoid personality disorder, including daydreaming, lack of pleasure, and a tendency to view themselves as sociopaths. He notes that while individuals with schizoid personality disorder may consciously think they don't want relationships, they often do deep down. Treatment involves awareness, understanding emotions, and a secure relationship with a therapist who can provide support without being invasive.
The Prototypical Healthy Gamer
Dr. K reflects on how the characteristics of schizoid personality disorder resonate with many members of the Healthy Gamer community. He notes that these individuals often experience alexithymia, demoralisation, and a tendency towards maladaptive daydreaming or other forms of artificial stimulation. He also touches on the potential connections between schizoid traits, ADHD, and red pill/black pill culture.
Therapeutic Approaches for Schizoid Personality Disorder
Dr. Honda outlines the therapeutic approach for schizoid personality disorder, emphasising the importance of awareness, emotional understanding, and a secure therapeutic relationship. He notes the challenges of working with schizoid clients, as they can be resistant to therapy and require a delicate balance of engagement and respect for their need for space.
The Value of Therapy
Dr. K highlights the transformative potential of therapy, emphasising the importance of a skilled therapist who can navigate complex emotional dynamics and provide the right amount of support. He notes that therapy is not just about talking about problems but about understanding the underlying reactions and patterns that drive behaviour.
Framework for Understanding Personality Disorders
Dr. K and Dr. Honda create a framework for understanding personality disorders, focusing on the trauma, intermittent invasiveness, and resulting perceptions associated with avoidant and schizoid personality disorders. They also discuss the role of atunement in protecting individuals from the rawness of the abyss.
Final Thoughts and Outro
Dr. K expresses his appreciation for Dr. Honda's insights and encourages viewers to check out his podcast and YouTube channel. Dr. Honda thanks Dr. K for the opportunity to share his expertise and commends him for his work in helping others. They express interest in collaborating again in the future.
